I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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