just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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