Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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