Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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