I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
