totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
