So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
