Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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