I will die if light touches me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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