He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
