chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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