Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
well you can't waste a boner
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
