dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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