he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
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Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
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Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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