At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
