we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
