i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
