so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dicks are not precious.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
