More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize