Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
