Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
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So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize