shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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