I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
