i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
