I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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