ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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