Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
