I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
