just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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