ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
