Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
