Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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