WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
