i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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