So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
