I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
