I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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