I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
