From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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