so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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