So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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