**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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