You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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