I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
