So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
