I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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