The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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