Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
