it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
