I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
