he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
