Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
