Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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