Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
