woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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