How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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