Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
