I think im going to throw up on grandma
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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