last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
