No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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