did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
