Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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