Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
